ninja story

Revenge on Punk-Ass Kids


    These true, first hand accounts of revenge were originally posted on the Something Awful Forums. I discovered the great thread well after it was dead and picked out some of the best stories. If you're the author of one of these stories, congrats, you're famous! But if for some reason you want me to remove the story just let me know.

    Dubber

    I watched some kids splattering berries all over my car from the window of my house. As opposed to being "Mr. Tough" and hurting them, I did a stealth mission to wreck all their recreation.

    So at 3:30 am I cut apart all their hockey nets, broke their sticks, slashed their tennis balls and threw their basketball net over so hard the rim had an opening the shape of a banana.

    After the mission was complete I felt horrible, but strangely satisfied. I am 21 and I would say these kids are 16.

    ******

    Admiral

    One day I was waiting for a bus at the stop just outside my house.

    Two kids approached me, i'd say that the older one would've been about 12, with the younger looking about 10. The older one approached me, and while looking nervous, he told me to give him my wallet.

    Now, this was when I was about 20 or so, and his demand really surprised me. I stood up and told him to fuck off. He demanded it again, and once again I told him to fuck off. All the while his little mate was hanging back about 10 meters watching.

    Then he did something stupid. He put his hand in his jacket pocket and told me to give him my wallet or he'd cut me up. Of course, he never showed me a knife of any kind, but his pocketed hand was oh so very threatening.

    So, I stepped forward, extended my hand with my wallet in it and told him to take it. As he stepped close enough to grab it, I swiftly kicked him right in the nuts. The little fucker dropped to the ground, and started crying. His friend took off faster than i've ever seen a ten year old run before, and then my bus pulled up.

    I got on the bus, shrugged my shoulders at the bus driver who was looking at the little nutbusted bitch and proceeded to continue on like everything was normal. Well, apart from the ridiculous amount of adrenaline pumping through me. I hope that little fuck learned a lesson. Maybe now he'll only try and mug kids his own age.

    ******

    TheEnemyWithin

    When I was a kid, every Wednesday was garbage day. And every fucking Wednesday these kids in a Geo Metro would drive around and clip our can knocking it over leaving me and my dad to clean up all the trash. After about a month of this shit (one time my dad almost caught them), we decided to take action. We requested another can from the garbage guys, and when we got it we proceeded to fill our old one up with cement. We filled the can to the brim with cement and let it dry over a few days. It took 5 guys to haul it out to the curb.

    When they hit that shit their car lurched and turned 90 degrees, broke their light, and fucked up their car pretty good. The can didn't even fall over.

    ******

    KackySack

    These teenagers, usually in a group of three or four, would always piss near my ground floor window on the way home from getting drunk at the park. I knew this had been going on for some time, because my neighbours were complaining months before about it, but I had never experienced ill effects as a result. They usually pissed to the side or something, and in rainy Vancouver, piss doesn't mean shit.

    It only became a problem because one night I was woken up by some laughing, ostensibly because some piss hit the blinds in my open window. My bed was below the window, so I freaked - they almost pissed on my face! I ran out the front door and yelled "Mothafucka" as I launched myself into the air and tackled the two surprised youths sideways Zangief-style with my bulky frame (I was easily the size of the both of them, and in good shape at the time). It must have been like a wild animal attack to the little douches.

    I figured since I had only knocked them down, they would be alright - my friends and I always got violent and roughhoused about when we were kids, so no problem, right? Wrong. One of them started crying, and the other was all shaky, asking "What did you do that for?" They looked to be 16 or 17, and were also total Wiggers. The one that was crying had a dew rag on and everything, and he took it off to wipe his tears. Pathetic.

    I told them to leave or I would kick their asses for real, then I made as if to hit them and they ran away. I went home to clean off the piss on my blinds, angry that I hadn't made them do it. It's just that the crying surprised the shit out of me - What a little pussy!

    ******

    praxis

    This happened about 8 years ago and while it might not have been the right or best thing to do, I enjoyed it:

    My girlfriend and I were living in this small town and to get to our house you had to go down a private drive past another house. She had met me for dinner so we were going back home in separate cars, hers in front of mine. When we pulled into the drive we saw that there were drunk teenagers EVERYWHERE. Apparently mom and dad were gone so the kids were having a party. Oh well, more power to them. There were a few teenagers standing in the drive blocking the road. My girlfriend sat there for a minute and then honked her horn at them. The guys made a few rude comments to my girlfriend as she drove by and several gave her the finger. I didn't take too kindly to that so when I pulled up I told them to be careful how they talk to people.

    Since their girlfriends were there, I guess they felt they had to act tough so a couple of them stood in front of my car while two more took turns cursing at me. Then one of them tried to hit me through the window. Big mistake. These guys were about 16 or 17 and the biggest one might have weighed about 140. I was 24, weighed around 240 and was officially pissed off. I jumped out of my car and punched the one that had swung at me. He dropped like a sack of potatoes. 2 of the guys rushed me and the other two cowards got the fuck out of the way. The two that rushed me were even smaller than the guy I punched so I shoved the first one to the ground and grabbed the second one. Being MUCH bigger than these guys I had no trouble man-handling the little punk. The one I hit was getting up but had decided he didn't want anymore. The one I knocked down was still on his ass and the one I had in a bear hug was terrified of what I might do to him. I had enough sense to know I didn't want to go jail for assaulting a kid so I just threw him to the ground like I had done his friend.

    Their girlfriends were screaming at me that they were going to call the cops. I told them to go ahead and I got in my car and drove up to the house. When I got there I went inside and called the cops (we didn't have cell phones all over the place back in my day). About 20 minutes later I had to go to work so I drove back down. The cops were there and stopped me. They asked me a few questions and I told them what had happened. There were a few people standing around saying I had beaten up the teeneagers but being drunk punks the cops weren't listening to them. Several kids were already being placed in police cars and it looked like their little party was officially over. The officer told me he was sorry for any trouble the kids might have caused and sent me on my way.

    ******

    antihelei

    I caught a kid at my school keying my car one afternoon, so I followed him to his car, pulled the key out of the ignition, and drove to the police station with it. I said to a cop "My car got keyed, here is the key that did it, flaked with my car paint. It belongs to XXXXXXX, and he lives at XXXXXXXX and his phone number is XXXXXX and I would like to press charges is at all possible."

    I am a firm believer that the cops are a legion of deuchebags and should not be trusted, but they are also a great way to get revenge, because they take shit like that seriously.

    ******

    Dave_Indeed

    My best friend's grand father, Pa (everyone called him that), was born and raised in Tennessee up in the hills. He used to tell us stories all the time about this and that, but I remember one in particular about a time he was living down in Florida with the rest of their clan.

    Anyhow, there was this kid who used to cut through his yard on the way home from school. In the middle of Pa's yard was a tree with a low branch. This kid would run up to the branch, jump and swing from it every day. So now Pa had a kid ruining his tree in addition to walking through his property every day. So one day he says to the kid from his porch, "Hey kiddo, I don't mind you walking through here, but you've got to stop swinging from that branch."

    The kid looks at him and swings from the branch again, then runs off.

    So the next day Pa goes and gets some pig shit and rubs it all over the top of the branch before the kid comes by. From his porch he watchs the kid run, jump and slide off the pig shitted branch and into more awaiting pig shit on the ground. Kid got the message.

    He's my hero.

    ******

    Luthier

    I have these fuckers living in my building, two Polish teenagers about 14 or 15. They always give me dirty looks and never say hello back to me, I have no idea why.

    A few months ago I started noticing stuff like gum stuck to my door, pieces of cat shit on my door mat, fresh spit on my door knob, etc. I kind of assumed it was them, and once day when I heard their usual loud Polish chattering outside my window as they came home from school, I just stood next to my eyepiece with a camcorder, and when I saw them spitting at the doorknob I opened the door and taped them staring at me in horror and running off.

    I'm good friends with the landlord, so he showed this tape to their parents and told them one more instance and the whole family gets evicted. The parents came over to me to apologize, and the idiot kids were grounded for a while I think, and now I make sure to smile a wide victorious smile every time I see the two fuckers to piss them off some more.

    ******

    Withnail

    ome 14 year olds were breaking my parent's big old school christmas lights last year. My father (who's around 60) woke up and chased them 6 snowy blocks in his bathrobe and slippers before he caught them and dragged them back to face justice.

    I don't know what the fuck is wrong with kids nowadays if they can't outrun my dad. Also, I don't know what is wrong with my dad.

    *****

    MacRae

    When I was 14 or so, when Halloween night came around and the older teenagers with weak-assed costumes (you know, the ones just wearing a clown wig and then regular clothes) started coming around, I dressed up in fatigues several sizes too large for me and put on a rubber full-head mask that was a sort of zombie soldier wearing a helmet. I then spread myself out limply on the bench my family had on the front porch of our house and waited for groups of the teens to approach.

    I would remain perfectly still until they reached for the door, which was right next to where I was lying, then I would jump up and lunge at them, caper about and wave my arms, and so on. They usually either jumped back away from me and screamed or just ran away. I guess I was kind of a dick at that age, and I wasn't exactly "getting revenge", but it was pretty cool to be 14 and capable of terrifying 16 and 17 year olds enough to scream and run away.

    ******

    Zogo

    we were making big sandcastles one week. and my little sister and friends were upset that this older foreign kid who didn't speak english kept coming by and sadistically destroying everything. mainly by doing giant flamboyant dropkicks while showboating to his friends.

    so I decided to stick a giant rock at the base of a castle the next day since this idiot was told to stop numerous times. sure enough the next day he comes by like a jackass and does a super kick...toe meet rock. he hobbled off and was not seen again.

    ******

    Mr Flufficles

    A few years ago some punk kids were destroying carved pumpkins all around my neighborhood (During Halloween of course) So on the night of Halloween I went to the side of my house, with MY pumpkin still in sight right near the front of my driveway. Now, in the winter in Alaska it's dark as hell. So I couldn't be seen. Sure enough, some punk kids (who knows if it was the ones who were doing the previous vandalizing) showed up at the front of my driveway, they start eyeing my pumpkin. Right when I see one of them going for it, (he was about to land his ass on it, because the snow would cushion him) I start the barrage with my M16 airsoft gun. They look around wondering what the hell is hitting them. Randomly jerking their heads in different directions, running around, and finally they ran away. It was well worth the wait.

    Then I went inside and had some hot chocolate.. It was fucking cold out there. My work was done.

    ******

    Uhclem

    Poor stupid children.

    Not more than a few days ago a couple of kids who looked about 15 or 16 decided to follow me and taunt me and a group of my friends on the street. I was walking with a limp due to my recent knee injury and because I was also in constant pain I was really in no mood to be made fun of.

    At first I just turned around and asked them what they were laughing at, and they responded with the always useful, "nothing, what are you going to do about it?"

    Poor children - I started to limp away and this of course started them laughing harder than ever. As I walked one of them had apparently gotten closer behind me, and, judging by his shadows position to mine, I decided that the best course of action would be to kick directly backwards. After all, he could be trying to pick my pocket or something.

    After I had felt the kick make sufficient contact I turned around only to find out if I had really hurt the poor guy.

    Apparently, my size 15s had struck the kid simultaneously in the neck and the lower jaw with enough force to send him a good foot or two backwards.

    He sat there flat on his ass looking at me and gasping for air. His lip was already swelling and I could see a bit of blood trickle out from within his mouth.

    I then said what I deemed at the time to be the best and most correct thing to say.

    "You kids want to know how I got this limp? I broke my leg kicking the asses of the last guys to make fun of me."

    And you know what he said?

    "Ok."

    God, that story is a trainwreck. I hope to hell you can all understand it because I'm way to tired to fix the damned thing. Yes, it's true, but details suck at 11:40 at night.

    Edit: The actual shot landed short of head height with the heel impacting his lower lip and the foot extending down to the collar bone. Very easy to do, but it surprised me to.

    ******

    40MinutesWest

    I was watching a movie at my (ex)girlfriend's house a few years ago, when I heard a bunch of stuff hitting the front door. All I had to do was lean back a little and look out the only partially covered window to see some dumb kid throwing eggs.

    So, I went to the kitchen, with every intention of pelting him with eggs. As I opened the fridge, something else caught my eye. I saw a large, flat plastic tupperware container, and I opened it. The moment the lid came off I almost threw up. The contents of the container are a mystery to this day, but whatever it was, it wasn't pretty. It had a grey color to it, with bits of mold and other assorted chunky things.

    With this horrible weapon in hand, I quickly walked out the back door and around the house. At this point, I figured my chance had passed, and the little shit had probably run away. But, to my surprise, the idiot was standing there, admiring his work. At this point, I almost felt bad for ambushing him, so I kindly asked him "what the hell are you doing?" He replied by throwing an egg at me, and saying "fuck off man." And so the chase was on, but it didn't last very long. I could have run the kid down rather easily, but I decided it would be more fun just to fling whatever was in the container at him.

    It couldn't have worked any better. The contents of the container held their shape, and flew through the air like some sort of jello flying carpet of justice. As luck would have it, the kid looked back at the moment of impact, and got a face full of God knows what. A good portion of it appeared to have went in his mouth. The impact, or maybe the smell knocked him off balance and he fell onto the grass beside the sidewalk. I stood there, victorious, watching his reaction change from mild shock to complete horror. I walked away when he started throwing up.

    I then went back to help my girlfriend clean the porch off and asked her what the hell was in the container. "Oh, I don't know. I think it's something my sister was supposed to do for her home ec class. She never finished it, because she dropped the class. That was last semester though, so that's been in there for a long time."

    ******

    Rhyno

    Some years ago a friend of mine had problems with TPers and doorbell ringers. Being an avid paintballer and having many friends who also played, we mobilized.

    Imagine 6 large men (really 5 and one small guy, me) leaping out of the bushes and darkness and opening fire on 2 skinny little kids armed with backpacks full of TP and eggs. The screams they let out were priceless.

    Unfortunately they lived just 3 blocks away and one of their daddy's called the police. We were out hunting them when we saw the lights at his house and several more cop cars driving around. I spent 2 hours in a drainpipe waiting for the police to leave the area.

    But oh baby........those screams were worth it.

    ******

    Herbasaurusex

    My friends and i were driving around about noon on a wednesday in november. Why weren't we in school you ask? Because we had recieved the boon which all students in non-tropical areas pray for all winter, a snow day. As we were driving past a corner near one of my friends houses we all hear a large smack sound on the window. No one was really paying attention to our surroundings but we realize that there are three 10-12 year olds standing on a snow pile making snow pile. We went down a block and then i got out of the car and picked up a big chunk of snow. My friend then idled down the street towards the kids snow pile as i jogged behind the car, so that the pissant kids couldn't see me, or at least what i was holding. They all just stood there mouths agape as i ran up and launched thing, which arched beautifully to land directly on one of their heads. The kid toppled over the back of the snow hill and we took off. I looked back as we drove away and the two other kids were huddled over their friend who was still laying on his back. Frankly, i hope i crippled the little motherfucker

    ******

    Bobx66

    There were these asshole kids who would drive down our block every saturday night in their el cammino and then hop up on the lawns with it and take down mail boxes. Well I was getting fucking sick and tired of putting up new mail boxes. So I got to an area of my lawn that wasnt lit at all, right in their path and dug a hole about 5 feet deep and 5 feet long with about an 8 foot width. I camped out to watch the fun and sure enough at like 2 am here they come down the street. Thump, Thump, Thump, Thump, CRASH. The kids fucking destroyed their car and soon after the cops were called. At witch point the kids left. The car was impounded and probably was never going to run again.

    ******

    Mr_Angry

    In my apartment complex we have a shared laundry facility and it's locked to residents only so generally there are no problems. One night I came in to take my clothes out of the dryer when I noticed two (what I figure were) 15 year old kids opening up all the dryers and throwing the clothes onto the floor, including mine. When I entered they were quite surprised and one ran like hell but the other I got by the neck as he ran by and held him against the wall. With terror in his eyes (I'm not a big guy at 5' 10" but I bench over 300 and have quite a grip) I very calmly told him how disappointed I was in his actions and how people would not appreciate it. The right thing, I said, was to fold all the laundry and leave it in neat stacks for the residents lest he wanted, as I put it, "more fucking trouble then anyone his age should be in."

    He got the message and I spent the next 30 minutes watching him fold clothes (including mine). I've got to admit, he did a nice job.

    ******

    Icebot

    I was leaving the Gym on Wednesday and these two kids on bikes were fucking with this old woman probably in her early 60's weaving right by her and getting in front and slowing way down like 2 mph so she kept having to break, I have no clue why they were doing it other then being total fuckheads. So she parks and they are laughing well the way my gym is situated is right by a small drop off and a drive through pharmacy so there is a curb there and a small median. So as I am pulling out they start looking like they are going to fuck with me and one kid gets on the side of my car so I slowly ran him into the curb and he jumped off his bike and it fell the two feet or so down the median, they cussed at me and threw up their hands and I saw the old lady walking towards the gym give me a little smile.

    ******

    midge

    One day at the McDonalds drive-thru a few kids chucked ice cream and milkshake over our car. We bought 6 shakes and 6 ice creams (4 of us in the car). We drove into the local estate (no doubt where they live), and stalked around waiting. After about 15 minutes we saw them sat on a wall smoking.

    We went round the back of the wall, rolling the car (feet out of the doors). A silent entry, we creeped up behind them, pulled them off the wall and pinned them down one at a time force feeding them and leaving the rest over their faces and clothes.

    Overkill? Yes. But it was a brand new RX8 (not mine ) and we were not happy.

    ******

    ZetsurinPower

    Well I guess I'll add my very short story.

    Punkass roomate was a punkass kid who was cool before college but somehow turned into a major douchebag after living in the dorms. We didn't know about the change until he got a house with us. All 5 roomates wanted to kick him out, and for good reasons, but he had nowhere to go and we werent such dicks that we would leave him on his ass with nowhere to go, so we usually just ignored him and left him alone.

    Well one day he managed to back into both my car and my roomates car. So we were pissed. The kid couldnt drive for shit, he had at least 3 colors of paint on every corner of his car. He offered a half assed apology but nothing more. We wanted revenge.

    The forenight I had made some chicken and had a ton of leftover raw minced garlic. In his room, he had one of those tall halogen lamps with the open basin at the top, spraying the ceiling with beautiful UV light. We went into his room, and emptied a good teaspoon of the stinky stuff onto the basin around the bulb.

    If any of you have owned these kinds of lamps, you know how hot they get. If there are dead bugs in the lamp, they will cook and smoke. It just so happens that the same thing happens to garlic. The fucker never did figure out why his room stunk like shit whenever he turned on that light.

    ******

    +decipher

    During the Fall season we aren't allowed to bag up the fallen leaves from trees. Instead we are to just put then in huge piles along the curb. It seems that the fun car game during the fall is to drive through these large piles causing them to blow back up onto the lawn. I have found that well placed cinder blocks will take care of the problem.

    Wheel/Car count to date: 4

    ******

    Cage

    I have a story which happened kind of recently. There is a group of ~15 year olds in my small neighborhood. They like to play hockey right in front of my house in the street. Now, when we were kids playing in the street and we saw a car coming, we would get the fuck out of the way.

    These kids were obviously too cool for that, most of the time the wouldn't move until cars honked. They would move the net and give you about 2 inchs of space to move through.

    One time they left a hockey stick in our yard, my dad broke it in half and threw it out. That didn't stop them. That was when I noticed that they left the net on the side of their driveway.

    A long time ago I found this huge fucking wooden sign, it had a picture of jesus painted on it. I took a can of black spray paint and wrote "JESUS SAYS NO HOCKEY IN THE STREET"

    I got my friend to put that in place of the net while I went to go pick up the net. Holy shit, the fucker was metal. I had to get my friend to help me carry it and we left it at the park about half a mile from our houses.

    Ever since then, ~1 month ago, I haven't seen them play hockey. Score one for me.

    ******

    publicblast

    A lame story, but oh so satisfying: at my college, the administration never provided enough laundry facilities, so people frequently would remove clothes from the dryers and put them on a folding table, so that they could put their own clothes in the dryer. A pain, certainly, but a necessary evil, especially since some people would leave their clothes in the dryer all day long.

    But one evening, I came to collect my clothes from the dryer--on time, mind you--only to find that some bitch had taken my clothes out early and put her own clothes in, effectively stealing the dryer time that I had purchased. Even worse, she had thrown my still-wet clothes in a pile of dust in a corner of the room. I knew it was a "she" because the clothes in the dryer were girls' clothes, not underwear but regular clothes. It was on.

    I took the clothes out of the dryer and put them in an empty washing machine. I grabbed the janitor's filthy bucket from a nearby closet, filled it with water, and poured it onto bitch's clothes. Then I got my bleach and poured half the bottle in. Ruined a whole load of dark colors. I took my own clothes to the commercial laundromat and went on my way.

    ******

    wlvrn

    My Uncle out in Colorado was always having a problem with kids playing mailbox baseball. He finally got tired of it and bought one of those indestructible mailboxes that are made of 1/4" steel or some shit. He welded it to a railroad tie and buried it in a 4 by 4 foot block of concrete.

    About a week later, his neighbor backed into it with his Jeep and was stopped cold.

    Two weeks later, they found a busted up bat along the road. There was a *tiny* bit of paint chipped off the mailbox.

    I can only imagine how much that hurt.

    ******

    Straws

    Where I used to live I had to drive through some pretty trashy areas. Some trashy kid and his friends would always stand in the middle of the street when anyone would drive by. The driver would have to stop and wait for them to finish whatever the fuck they were doing. Except for me. I would always drive by as fast as I could and the kid would always give me the finger. One day I stopped and got out of the car. I was 16 and he was probably 14. I told him in my most demented demeanor that if he ever got in my way again I would run him down and make sure he's dead by getting out of my car and slitting his fucking throat. He had the most scared face I've ever seen from anyone. As I drove away I could tell he was telling his friends what I said. He never got in my way again, actually when I would drive by he would step off the road and wave politely.

    ******

    tminz

    On halloween we put out this candy bowl type of thing that says "TAKE 1" in order to inforce this TAKE 1 rule i sat in a nearby tree with my paintball gun and unloaded on the fucker that put the whole bowl into his bag. Dropped his whole bag of candy and ran like a bitch.

    ******

    Poochie

    Once this one little kid asked me to buy him a pack of ciggarettes. He was like 13, and I'm 19. I say sure, he hands me a 20 dollar bill. I walk into the front door of the mall K-Mart, and out the garden center door. I'm 20 bucks richer, and he can't ruin his lungs.... this time.

    Yeah I know I'm an asshole.

    ******

    Doppelganger

    Not my story, but back in middle school, two friends of mine set up a sting operation at one of their houses for asshole trick or treaters. They set out a bowl of candy with a sign that said "Take only ONE piece, or you will be hosed and tackled." The guy whose house it was climbed on the part of the roof that overlooked the front porch and held the hose, while the other one hid in some bushes near the candy bowl. Sure enough, some dumbass grabbed two fistfuls of candy, and was promptly sprayed with the hose. He tried to run away, but my friend in the bushes caught up to him and tackled him to the ground. I can't think about that story without wishing I had been there.

    ******

    dokomoy

    About a month ago me and my freind Jeff were walking to Circuit City when we noticed a stupid 10-12 year old cholo following us very very closely. Right before we got into the store he tried to grab my freinds wallet. Now he's 20 and i'm 18 and were both pretty big, so fucking with us is pretty dumb in the first place, but the dumbest part is that the wallet was on a chain, and he grabbed from the freaking chain. Needless to say we gave that kid a savage beatdown.

    ******

    DirtyDiaperMask

    When I was a punkass kid my friends and I got revenge on a punkass adult. I forget what the circumstances were, we were 10 or so. My friends younger brother was with us at a soccer game, in the stands. So for some reason some kid calls my friend's younger brother a retard (He is), and the kid's dad laughed. We said some things a couple 10 yr olds would say, like, "Oh yeah? well you're a couple of shitheads" to the father and son, and they were equally childish and eventually ignored us.

    So we went to their house at night, smashed open the sunroof on his BMW, and poured a few bottles worth of syrup over the interior, and wrote "SHITMOBILE" in huge letters across the side of the car with sharp rocks.

    In retrospect, that was a bit much. then again, what kind of adult makes fun of a mentally challenged 8 yr old kid?

    ******

    Inky

    I had a group of asshole brothers living across the street from me aged fifteen to seventeen -- the Shaw brothers. These idiots would work on their stupid riced-out Honda well past midnight, blasting Kid Rock, screaming, laughing and generally making a nuisance of themselves long into the night. Even when the cops came and shut them down they'd gun their pnumatic wrench once in a while just to piss off people who needed to go to work the next morning.

    Well, one night I'm driving through the neighborhood and, lo and behold, it's the brothers' rice-mobile parked in front of some house, with it's moonroof open as well! And I just happen to be driving my band's van, and inside the band's van is a container with a gallon-and-a-half of week-old fermented urine (we're not big on pit-stops on long-distance gigs). Oh, I do love it when things come together.

    Adding to the perfection of this tableu is the fact that this street was on an incline, so I just poured the musky, meaty, ammonia stinking broth onto the roof and it cascaded oh-so beautifully down the gap in the moonroof and onto the leather seats. Glorious!

    Needless to say I hightailed it home where I stayed up as late as I could hoping to catch a glimpse of one of the Shaw boys coming home and hoisting his sewage-stinking ass out of the car, but it didn't happen. In fact, I never saw the rice mobile again. It seems to have been replaced by a very practical Ford Probe.

    Yes, I do love it when things come together.

    ******

    IndieRockLance

    A friend of mine is a regular patron of bake sales for clubs at school, since he can sell individual pieces of things for a higher price and make a profit. So, one day, he had bought an entire tray of brownies. He had to leave class for a minute and when he came back he was missing a couple brownies.

    So, a couple weeks later he made two trays of brownies, one clean and one with a laxative extract on it. He ate some of the clean ones and left them in his locker, bringing only the laxative brownies to class. He left class, leaving the brownies at his seat and when he got back three or four of them were gone. A little later, three kids got wide-eyed and bolted from the classroom.

    The funniest part is that guys' restrooms only have one stall each and most of them have brooken doors. In one instance there was no stall, there was just a toilet in the corner where there used to be walls. I go to a shitty school.

    ******

    Nanreik

    Okay this one is short..

    On the train with my mate (both 17 at the time), it's not very busy with hardly anyone entering/leaving this carriage. At each stop these two little punks press the button to open the door, run off the train, run and touch the fence, and run back on before the doors close and the train leaves.

    A couple stops later when they run off, my mate and I just go and stand in the door - blocking it completely. We just stand there with our arms crossed looking down at them all badass and said, "Catchya!", as these punks look on in disbelief and the train leaves the stop without them.

    ******

    barbs

    This thread has sparked some childhood memories.

    This happened to me when i was 12. My friends and I had a very successful night of trick or treating that halloween eve, and I was strolling home with my booty around 12 oclock, feeling like a king in my cowboy hat/outfit. I had left my buddy's place so i was walking alone down this hill thats lined with houses on both sides when I heard a truck accellerating towards me from behind, and some jackals yelping as it approached me. I heard some shots fired, and the ground around me erupted in paint. I danced around and avoided their shots as they passed by, proceeded to run towards the middle of the road and drop my pants. I danced around showing them my bare ass while flipping them off and screaming!!! FUCK YOU!!! YOU MISSED ME!!! LOL etc etc. I hear one of the guys in the back (it was a pick up truck) go, "what the FUCK?!?" and the car spun around at the bottom of the hill. This was my cue to pack up my pants and head for the nearest house. I ran into some random persons back yard and desperately looked for a way out, but being kind of fat at the time, I couldn't run very far so I found a place to hide between the deck and a tree. My costume was pretty dark so i covered myself as much as possible and waited in the shadows. Almost immediately, I heard 4 of the goons run into the backyard, clearly not caring that it was someones property, looking for me. I was pretty sure my heartbeat was going to give me away, because I was scared shitless. "We're going to find you, we're going to gut you, we know you're here!!" I carefully controlled my breathing and waited, soon enough they gave up, cursed me out, and left the yard. I probably stayed in my spot for 30 minutes before carefully walking home that night...

    ******

    ruca

    my friends lived in a seedy area of town and their cars continually got broken into. they finally decided to do something about it and set up an ambush. i think there were 5 of them. hiding on rooftops and at the entrance to the apts. they all had radios so they could keep in contact.

    at 3 am or so, they see two teenagers come into the parking lot. one of the guys had left a $50 bill in his passenger seat. the thieves saw it and smashed his window. just as they reached in, he fired a shotgun into the air and all of the ambushers attacked the kids. they beat them up really good and hogtied them. then called the cops. they said the boys cried the whole time and begged them to let them go. the cops got there and took the 2 boys, but wrote my friend a ticket for discharging a firearm inside city limits or something like that.

    ******

    Squiggle

    Back when I was in 8th grade, there was a little 7th grade shit-disturber who insisted on fucking with me constantly.

    One day on the bus, just a few days before the end of the year, he found a clump of melting chapstick on the bus floor. He thought it'd be awesome to slam it into my hair. That was a breaking point.

    I picked him up over the seat, threw him across the row, and stomped on his stomach. He puked all over the seat.

    Little fucker never did do anything stupid after that. It was my one, single act of aggression, and he deserved it.

     

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