Prelude: Right around the same time that I was posting "A Ninja's Revenge" on the Something Awful forums, another poster named "Danno" was posting a series of true stories about his job as a college parking lot enforcer. If not familiar with Danno's stories, it's important to understand while reading this story that Danno took his job very seriously and was quite good at it. If someone parked in a handicap spot and wasn't handicapped then look out, Danno would get em no matter what it took. The story below is what happens when two worlds collide.

Author: CarlosTheDwarf
Posted: February, 2003

100% true story!

Back in Sensei Karurosa's dojo in Japan there was a boy named Danno. Danno was seven years younger than I was. He was also my brother. Unfortunately for Danno, he was quite awful at the martial arts. It wasn't due to a lack of effort, simply a lack of God given talent. He was so bad that his nickname was "Bloody Pulp".

Eventually Danno grew tired of getting the stuffing beat out of his little round body. He still loved the dojo though and everybody adored Danno and didn't want to see him leave. So one day, Sensei Karurosa handed Danno a clipboard. He was to be a judge in a dojo tournament! Danno was a natural. Although much younger than the other judges he was clearly the most consistent. Armed with his clipboard he would note points and violations better than anyone else.

Just a week before we were to move back to NY our dojo held its annual tournament. This was based on skill level and age. With Robutaku and Sutebe gone, I dominated the 15-18 age group tournament, reaching the finals with ease. My opponent for the finals was Haruki Fukada. Fukada was possibly the best fighter of the dojo, but he was also quite reckless and often lost his focus.

It was a match to 10 points and I was losing 9-7. However, Fukada had 2 out of bounds faults. One more and he would be disqualified. I knew I had to be aggressive. I charged Fukada and he lurched sideways.

"FAULT!" screamed Danno, pointing at Fukada's right foot.

I had won! Oh boy, Fukada was furious. He attacked Danno, only to be stopped by Sensei Karurosa.

"This is fucking bullshit!" Fukada pleaded, "I never went out of bounds!"

"I'll get you, you little fucker!" he screamed, pointing at Danno.

Sensei Karurosa completely trusted little Danno though and I was awarded the trophy. We moved back to NY a few days later with no incident.

*******************************

Fast forward twelve years to September of last year. I was in my apartment when the phone rang. It was Danno. He was now attending the University of Wisconsin and making some money as a parking enforcer, averaging about forty legit tickets per hour.

"It was Fukada", a deeply disturbed Danno said.

"What?" I asked.

"Haruki Fukada, I saw him in one of my parking lots. He jumped into a black Toyota Supra though and sped away before I could jot down his license plate number", Danno replied.

I knew this was serious. Danno must have been extremely upset not to catch that license plate number.

I caught the first plane to Wisconsin, katana included. When I arrived at his campus I gave Danno a call on his cell phone.

When Danno answered, I said "It's your brother, is everything ok? Have you seen Fukada again?"

"No" he said, "Not since…." And then his voice faded.

"What is it Danno" I asked.

"He's here, Lot Fifteen. Hurry!!" cried Danno.

In my rental car I raced to Lot Fifteen. Fortunately I had visited him once before so I knew my way around campus. As I pulled into the lot I saw a black Toyota Supra parked with its lights on. Staring at the Supra was Danno, much like a deer caught in headlights.

Fukada, dressed in Ninja garb, got out the car. "Run Danno, run!" I thought as I sped closer. But he just stood there, shaking. Fukada pulled out a throwing knife and launched it at Danno.

The knife sunk into the center of Danno's chest and he collapsed to the ground. I slammed on the brakes and burst out of car, katana in hand.

Fukada turned to me and said "You…what are you doing here!?"

"You wanted a rematch?" I yelled as I attacked with my katana. Fukada unsheathed his katana and we went to battle. Fukada was as fast as ever. At one point I thought I had him but he managed to lunge out of the way, my katana simply smashing one of his side view mirror. This damage to his precious Supra infuriated Fukada. I saw that same animal look in his eyes that he used to display in the dojo. I had discovered his weak spot.

Keeping the Supra between he and I, I went to work destroying the windows, tires, etc. Fukada was enraged. Finally he jumped onto the hood of the low car and leaped off at me. His katana was high above his head as he brought his hands down, apparently planning to slice me in half.

It was a beautiful, "Hollywood-esque" attack but at the same time very reckless. This was an attack of rage, not discipline. Instead of backing up, I kept low and rushed forward. Fukada soared over me. While he was still in the air I turned and sliced the katana through the cool air. It met his neck at the moment he hit the ground. Fukada fell to the pavement, his head flopped at his shoulders much like a pez dispenser. Blood poured from his neck, running down the sloping parking lot. I watched the blood trail get longer and longer. It was as though Fukada was still trying to escape the wrath of the katana.

I turned towards Danno. He was still lying on his back and hadn't moved since that knife had plunged into his chest. I was sure he was dead. I slowly walked over and knelt besides him. What I saw astonished me. There was no blood! Danno appeared to be breathing as well. I reached for the knife and attempted to pull it out of his chest but it was stuck. I tugged harder and the knife came out, just the very tip had blood. Miraculously, something had stopped that knife. I reached under Danno's shirt and pulled out his clipboard! It was the same clipboard given to him by Sensei Karurosa so many years ago and had clearly saved his life.

I shook Danno and slapped him in the face a few times. Danno awoke and said, "What…what happened?

"It's over" I said, "Fukada is dead".

Danno stood up, dusted himself off, and picked up his trusty clipboard. "Excuse me brother", he said, glancing at the double parked Supra, "but I've got a ticket to write."